:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
