All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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