Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
