bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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