I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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