wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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