it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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