Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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