I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
