I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
