I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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