I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
