after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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