If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
