Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
