The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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