Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
