Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
