it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
