I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's get the cat blown out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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