Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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