Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk is not a location!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
