thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
