im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
