Cold hands, warm shart.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
