Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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