I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
