Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
