ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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