Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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