Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
