youre lurking in front of me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
