im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
