She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
