i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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