Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
