Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
