put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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