Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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