I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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