That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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