why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
