i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
