people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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