i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
