Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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