im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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