All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
