I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
