she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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