I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
