Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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