I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
