I think im going to throw up on grandma
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
