No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
