party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
