a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize