Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
