goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
