Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
