he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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