dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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