she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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