Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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