Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
