My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
