what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
