your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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