I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sext me about skeletons
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