last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
