And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
