I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
