This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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