spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
