i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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