dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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