captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
