Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
