Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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