im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
