she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
