i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
