Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My ass is underappreciated
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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