the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
