thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
