is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
