will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
