i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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