Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
