Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
