i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
