So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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