you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
