Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize