if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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