You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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