Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize