Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
