i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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