my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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