The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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