i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
