Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize