i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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