genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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