i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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