She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
