After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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