I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
