I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Princesses don't give blow jobs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize