I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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