are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
