Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As shirtless as possible
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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