Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
