I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it hurts more in the daytime
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
