im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
