YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
